Love could take many forms as can be attested by the ancient Greek mythologies and philosophies: it ranges from deep friendship to loving one’s self. If you know a thing or two about world history, you’ll find that the most complicated of all forms of love would be “pragma,” which stands for long-standing love—the kind of love that you share with your partner.
Romantic relationships have always mystified psychologists and therapists around the world. If being in a relationship were as easy as just simply taking care of someone, a terrible and profoundly painful phenomenon such as heartache would probably not happen. “Pragma,” however, is not as simple as it seems. There’s a more complicated truth to it, and there is also no default equation.
As surprising as it may sound, many engaged couples in long-term relationships are still vulnerable to break-ups, whereas some new couples who have known each other for only a month can keep their relationship going strong for many years to come. There is no sure-fire way to ensure how a relationship lasts. Some relationship experts find it a lifetime career to get down to the science behind all these and to be able to explain these unique cases.
You might ask: why do some relationships succeed and why do others come to an end?
Here are four relationship mistakes you should avoid making with your partner:
1. “It is all about me!”
Being too self-centered is one of the most common reasons relationships fail. When both partners in the relationship always think about themselves, they will ignore the needs of the other person. Being selfish is toxic for all relationships because you are merely focusing on yourself. Relationships will not flourish if “it’s all about you.” Relationships work when both partners are considerate of each other and when they can make fair and unbiased decisions together.
2. Seeing your other half as someone who completes you
You can’t expect someone to make you whole when you are incomplete on your own. Be secure in your skin before you find yourself committing to any relationship. Trust your gut and stand by your values. It’s essential that you know yourself best.
Your partner is not the missing piece but the one who you can share your life with. As your partner, there is no need for him to continually worry about the problems you can fix on your own. In whatever situation, be grateful to have a partner by your side who will be understanding enough to share the burdens you carry.
3. Lack of communication
Many divorcees attest to the truth that what causes breakups is poor communication. Anyone can communicate— it’s just a matter of being able to know how to communicate correctly.
Name a type of species and science would prove that communication has always been any creature’s means to survive. For instance, the bumblebee is commonly known for its “bumblebee dance” which is used by the male and female to flirt during mating season.
How hard is it for people to communicate what they really want? Cultural barriers may be a factor that affects decision-making too, which then misleads people to do things they would rather not do. When there are cultural differences, dealing with relationship problems could even be harder for you and your partner.
Find the will to break out from your comfort zone and accept each other’s differences to strengthen your relationship and for it to last. Learn to understand that the values of your partner shapes who she or he is, so you can’t force him/her to change according to your standards. You should be able to understand your partner better if you put yourself in his or her shoes. Many couples who have experienced relationship problems can attest that good communication habits help you manage conflict better with your partner.
4. Lack of compatibility
It may feel like you have done everything you could to save the relationship, but things don’t seem to get any better. Perhaps this problem is caused by major compatibility issues. Research cannot thoroughly explain the science behind attraction among couples, or the reasons a person does not feel attracted to you anymore.
But in some rare cases, only then will you truly understand love until love happens to you— that moment when you feel it in your gut and you ‘just know.’ For instance, you have probably known each other for a long time since college, and you never fancied him or her— until that one instance when you see each other again, and it just hits you that you need to get to know him or her more.
Also, when it comes to tying the knot, both people in a relationship should be compatible partners before they say ‘I do.’ Even when booking a traveling wedding band and getting them at the reception. Partners should compromise to make relationships work.
There are many significant deal-breakers for relationships, but always remember that you and your partner should make extra efforts in solving these problems together to enjoy a fruitful and long-lasting relationship.